Tammy's Bird Brain » love

My girl is 1!!!!

Tammy — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:22:03 +0000

We went to my mom’s last weekend to celebrate Eva’s first birthday. I can not believe it has been a year. I read what I wrote about my delivery and it seems like it just happened. My life is so different. I am so different. With a kid time goes by much faster. It is a little sad. There are times I stop and try to memorize the moments; her soft skin, her sweet smell, the size of her hands and feet. It doesn’t work though because I can’t remember what she was like 5 months ago. She grows so gradually that I can’t see it but then I turn around and she is walking and babbling and I am wondering when she learned to do all of those things. Kids grow so fast that even if I received my wish and she would grow slower it would still be too fast. Alas, I am subject to the march of time which I was grateful for a week ago.

So here are the pictures for your eyes to feast on:

We got Eva a Klean Kanteen sippy cup for her birthday. No uterine cancer for my girl!

Me and Eva. Can you see us beyond my yellow shirt?

Birthday Girl! (shirt from Auntie Sarah)

Clint and Eva with her new hat! I love this hat it makes her look like a cupcake! (Hat from Auntie Natalie)

Eva helping with the pizza. Can you see the view from the window? It is so beautiful it looks fake.

Auntie Natalie cooking the pizza. Notice how messy cooking pizza is.

This isn’t the greatest picture but my fingers look cool. I am throwing pizza dough.

(random: remember when we learned to spell doughnut like this? That is how I learned it in elementary school. When did it change to donut? Anyone? )

Look how beautiful this pizza is! Homemade pizza is the best. I normally hate pizza.

Eva loves pizza. Actually Eva loves everything. She is not a picky eater.

Eva’s cupcakes. Her cousin made her the special one on top which she ate the frosting off of.

Messy mug.

She ate the cupcake but didn’t really seem to care that it was sugary sweet.

She enjoyed the bath that came after much more.

Happy birthday my sweet Evakins. I wish I could live this year over and over. You are a sweet angel. You are so happy and you make everyone around you happy. I hope you can keep this happiness for life forever.

Love to you my girl!

my Thanksgiving post

Tammy — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:20:03 +0000

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

-George Eiliot

I am so lucky. I have many people in my life that fit this description. I am sending my love out to you all; I hope you feel it. Thanks for seeing me and loving me. I thank God for you everyday. Seriously I do.

You know that you have a good friend when you are going out and you don’t have to worry about what you are wearing or what you look like and then you laugh and laugh and laugh because you can tell them anything in the world and they still love you.

Love to you my people..

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, beautiful autumn

Tammy — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 13:00:30 +0000

Oh, beautiful autumn,

Beautiful fall,

The cold fire you bring

Reminds my soul

To take in a last breath,

Before the hibernation of winter.

Oh, beautiful autumn,

Beautiful fall,

How slowly you creep

Bringing with you death,

Crisp, nostalgic breezes

And the sweet sound of crunching leaves.

Yellow,

Red,

Orange,

Brown,

Swirling through the air

Stirring up your smell.

Beautiful autumn,

Beautiful fall,

Your death I love again and again.

These pictures are from last year. I will get some good ones from this year and post them soon. The mountains look so amazing right now. How I love it!

El Tango De Roxanne – Moulin Rouge

Tammy — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:00:00 +0000

This is one of my favorite movie scenes. I think the music is wonderful, the choreography is so awesome and it tells a story with this artistic style that I absolutely love. Ewen McGregor’s voice doesn’t hurt either. The people behind this did a great job. I love the colors and cinematography as well. It makes me want to be a professional dancer. Well, enough and enjoy!!!

NINE!!!!!!!!!

Tammy — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:08:00 +0000

Clint and I have been married 9 years today!!! When I think back to when we started we are completely different people now and it is wonderful that through all the changes we still love each other. Clint has really made me a much better person than I could ever have become. I am so grateful for his love and patience. It seems like through life we all go through these different learning and growing phases that change our outlook and make us better. Clint has always been a little ahead of me on the journey but is always patiently waiting and helping me along my way to understand and grow. He has never been frustrated with me for not being in the same place as him and is willing to let me find my own way without expecting me to completely come to the same conclusions as him.

We are both so excited to start our next phase of life which is parenthood. I think that the timing is great for us and that we are ready for it, well at least we have been waiting a long time for it. Clint is going to be such a great Dad. Kids absolutely love Clint. Whenever we are with friends that have kids Clint is always playing with the kids rather than hanging out with the adults.

Well, Clint is in Dallas today but when I got into work today I found some flowers and a gift card. So thanks Clint. I was so surprised and it made me very happy.

I love you Clint! Thank you, thank you for these nine years!!!

Green Grass

Tammy — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:30:00 +0000

I used to be a “Grass-is-Greener” person. I used to always think that what I was doing was boring and what everyone else was doing was so much better and more fun. I was never settled with my life. I always wanted to have something new and exciting happening or I would become bored and unsatisfied. Like my mom and sister would describe me I was like a little bird always attracted to the fun, shiny objects quickly jumping from one thing to the next and not paying very much attention to the things surrounding me. I would miss a lot because of this “syndrome”.

I also had a hard time liking myself and understanding why those around me loved me especially Clint. Clint loves me so much I can actually feel it. It is tangible to me and so if we fight or he is mad I can immediately feel a difference. I had a hard time because I just didn’t understand why. I guess I didn’t think I was anything special for someone to love me that much. Same goes for my family and friends, I just didn’t get it.

Apparently I needed a big huge explosion in my life to get it. I needed to screw things up so bad so that reality would hit me square in the face and I would see things as they truly are. Basically I saw that I am a self centered idiot so now I am desperately trying to not be an self centered idiot and fix everything. I just keep asking myself “WHY, WHY, WHY? I am so stupid, why did I need this to see?”

I am glad to say that I have overcome the grass-is-greener thing. I can see how green my life is and it amazes me that I didn’t see it before. I am more comfortable with who I am and where my life is. Though I might not think I deserve love or understand why I have it I need to grab hold and be grateful for it. I also need to give more love back than I receive.

This year has been a life changing year for me and I see more to come. I am happier than ever and I hope people can see that. I hope that I can fix the damage I have caused and one day receive forgiveness and forgive myself.

I love you Clint I hope you can feel it.

Green Grass

Tammy — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:30:00 +0000

I love you Clint I hope you can feel it.