Tammy's Bird Brain

My house is on a pretty busy street and I would really like a fence in front of my yard so that in the future my kids can play outside and I can worry a bit less.  Over the weekend I did a lot of yard work.  Eva loves being outside and is really good about playing around me and trying to help me.  I have taught her to only go as far as the edge of the grass but she is 16 months old so really I can’t trust her not to test her limits.  Don’t worry I am not gearing you all up for a tragic story.

So I was planting this amazing vine to grow over the banister that I don’t want to sand and paint so I decided to get a vine to cover it and I realize it will take years for the vine to actually cover it but whatever.  I got all caught up with weaving my vine in and out of the banister and making sure it was supported that I completely forgot everything going on including that I had a 16 month old playing in the yard by a busy street.  I am guessing 4 -5 minutes later (felt like way longer but I am being realistic) my mom brain jolted awake and I realized I had no idea where Eva was.  All I heard was that horrible silence when you can’t hear your kid.  I scanned the street and sidewalk and then sprinted to the back yard.  For 20 seconds I was completely frantic and nightmarish thoughts were running through my head.  It was a long 20 seconds

I found Eva frolicking through the tall weeds, clothes wet with duck water squealing with delight of being able to do so.  I felt overwhelming relief and I stood and watched her for a while.

I know this happens to all moms.  It is how some horrific things happen to children.  It made me wonder why our brains do this; why all of a sudden they just shut off and only focus on the thing at hand.  Motherhood is a serious multi-tasking job and I pride myself at being able to juggle many things at once and to remember all that needs to get done but sometimes our brains just decide “I can only handle this one thing and everything else must be forgotten”.  It is like our brains need to be rebooted because suddenly the power is turned back on and everything we are supposed to remember comes rushing back like a freight train.  It is really like that shot in movies when the main character is remembering something and the camera zooms in on them and the background goes fuzzy and expands and frantic squeaky violins play; Lost is famous for it.  Do you know what I’m talking about?

I stayed awake that night imagining all the horrible things that could have happened to Eva and how my life could be completely different and wondering how I would be able to live with myself if something had happened.  I prayed and thanked God that nothing happened and begged him that I would learn from this and not let it happen again.  I also begged him to please be with me and remind me to stay alert.  For the rest of the weekend I felt like a meerkat: stare, stare, work for 2 seconds, stare, stare, work, etc.

Meerkats, © Roberta Stacy

So that is the latest on me learning to be a mom.

Here is Eva with my new vine.  She had held the hose over her head and got sopping wet so I stripped her down and she loved it.

Filed under: eva, life, motherhood by Tammy