Tammy's Bird Brain

I am in the process of weaning Eva but I think I am actually weaning myself.  The main reason I have decided to do this is because she gets up a 1 a.m. and wants to nurse and is restless and nursing until about 5 a.m. when she finally falls back to sleep.  Obviously this is messing up my sleep and I realize that I have created a habit for her which I must now break.  So over the weekend I got her to drink milk from a bottle and take her binki which was no small feat.  But Saturday night was hard because I decided to not nurse her at all during the night.  She woke up at 2:45 a.m. tugging at my shirt and crying.  I tried to give her the bottle but she would have none of it.  She cried and cried and laid her little head on my shoulder and cried for an hour.  And of course I cried too.  I tickled her back and told her how sometimes getting big is hard but I told her about all the fun things she would be able to do now that she is getting so big.  I also sang to her “I Will” by The Beatles.  I love this song and have sung it to her since I found out I was pregnant.

I Will

Who knows how long I’ve loved you.
You know I love you still.
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to…I will.

For if I ever saw you
I didn’t catch your name.
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever.
Love you with all my heart.
Love you whenever we’re together.
Love you when we’re apart.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it so loud I can hear you.
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Ahhh, You know I will.

I will.

Songwriters: Lennon, John Winston; Mccartney, Paul James;

During that hour of crying it made me think about how all mammals have to go through the weaning process from their moms.  When I was in Hawaii we saw a beautiful sea lion (I can’t remember which kind exactly).  They have volunteers that stake off the areas where the sea lions beach to give them room since they are endangered.  The volunteer was telling us of all her adventures doing this and she said that when the sea lions have their babies they stay with them for something like 3 or 5 days and then the mothers wait until their baby falls asleep and then they leave and that is it.  That is the weaning.  She said one time she watched this happen and the baby cried and cried for a whole day and then the mom came back for the night and was gone in the morning and the baby was okay after that.  Obviously I am having crazy hormones right now because I am totally crying while I am typing this.  It is so sad!  Poor little baby sea lions!

I also thought of the cows and horses I grew up with and when it is time to separate the mothers and babies they both freak out and “cry” in their way and it is hard to watch.

Though it is hard I am so grateful to get to do it.  I waited for Eva for what seemed like a “lonely lifetime”.  I had dreams about her that caused me emotions that I had never felt before.  I am so grateful for my little sugar-bean-plum.

And yes, I am an overly hormonal mom right now who is emotional and nonsensical and that is why I write this sappy post.

Filed under: eva, life, love, motherhood by Tammy